The Problem of Hopping Heads

Who’s in Control of the Scene?

You have a hero. You have a heroine. You have a scene. The question is which of those characters is controlling the scene? What does it mean to head-hop, and why is head-hopping a bad thing?

When embarking on any scene in a novel, you are naturally taking on the point of view of one of your characters. Notice, I said one of your characters. If you want your readers to get deeply into your story, and you want your story to get deeply into your readers, it’s essential that you don’t juggle their brains by bouncing from character point of view to character point of view inside a single scene. You need to stay inside the mind and vision of one character only. You must not explain the other characters’ feelings or reactions for the reader while you’re in the point of view of the first one. Doing so can not only cause confusion, but it unintentionally distances your reader from the heart of your character and keeps them from having quite the emotional experience you want them to have. So — only one POV per scene.

When you want to start another POV, it’s time to start a new chapter or make a scene break using a space or *** or a line — something that clearly shows you’re about to change points of view.

If you have trouble understanding what I mean by head-hopping, take a look at the examples below.

In the first example is a portion of a scene which is written strictly from the point of view of Sean, the hero in my novella Heart Not Taken. We are seeing everything only as he sees it and experiences it. In the second example I head-hopped. I slipped in an occasional POV of Jordyn, the heroine. If I had done that for real in the story, it would probably not have been published.

The right way:

“Rand, hand me a Coke and come here, will you?”

Sean’s brother pulled an icy soda out of a cooler and brought it over. He opened it before handing it to Jordyn.

“Rand, this is Jordyn Delaney. She’s the landscaper mom hired to fix the place up.” He hoped that introduction would make it easier on her. “This is my little brother Rand.”

“Nice to meet you, ma’am.”

Sean noticed her shoulders relax just a touch. “Ma’am?” She smiled back at the handsome youth. “Now I really feel old.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about anything like that,” said Rand, giving Sean a keen glance. Rand didn’t have to say she’s hot for Sean to get his meaning. His chest puffed out a little bit.

“And this is Rand’s friend Amanda,” said Sean. A pretty blonde with dimples and a bright smile stepped up next to Rand. “She’s not in any of my classes, so I’m just getting to know her, too.”

“Hi,” Amanda bubbled.

“Nice to meet you,” said Jordyn.

Another firecracker exploded and Jordyn jumped, brushing up against him. Sean instinctively touched her arm.

“Want to walk out on the dock?”

Jordyn nodded. There were a couple of other students out there, so it wouldn’t seem as though they were wandering off alone.

“Here, Mr. Heart. Have some s’mores.” Another girl bounced over and handed him two double-stacked grahams oozing with slightly singed marshmallows and glossy chocolate.

“Thanks, Maddie.” The girl gave them a cheerful nod and moved among the others roasting marshmallows and goofing off around the fire. “Take my arm if you want, so you don’t trip,” Sean said softly, pleased when he felt Jordyn slip her hand over his forearm. If he hadn’t been holding the s’mores, he’d have been tempted to hold her hand. “So, what made you decide to come out?”

She shrugged, and Sean realized that maybe it had been an unfair question. He’d put her on the spot. Yet, he did want to know.

“I have to say that it was brave of you to come and hang out with this mob. Watch your step.”

They stepped onto the dock and walked past a fellow who was using a pen light to tie a fly on the end of a fishing line.

“Yeah, I was feeling kind of brave.”

He heard laughter in her voice. It sounded perfect out here with the rushing water and the crickets chirping and with the stars beginning to pop out in profusion above them.

The wrong, head-hopping way:

“Rand, hand me a Coke and come here, will you?”

Sean’s brother pulled an icy soda out of a cooler and brought it over. He opened it before handing it to Jordyn.

“Rand, this is Jordyn Delaney. She’s the landscaper mom hired to fix the place up.” He hoped that introduction would make it easier on her. “This is my little brother Rand.”

“Nice to meet you, ma’am.”

Sean noticed her shoulders relax just a touch. “Ma’am?” She tried relaxing and smiled back at the handsome youth. “Now I really feel old.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about anything like that,” said Rand, giving Sean a keen glance. Rand didn’t have to say she’s hot for Sean to get his meaning. His chest puffed out a little bit.

“And this is Rand’s friend Amanda,” said Sean. A pretty blonde with dimples and a bright smile stepped up next to Rand. “She’s not in any of my classes, so I’m just getting to know her, too.”

“Hi,” Amanda bubbled.

“Nice to meet you,” said Jordyn.

Another firecracker exploded and Jordyn jumped, brushing up against him. Sean instinctively touched her arm and her heart raced.

“Want to walk out on the dock?”

Jordyn nodded. There were a couple of other students out there, so it wouldn’t seem as though they were wandering off alone.

“Here, Mr. Heart. Have some s’mores.” Another girl bounced over and handed him two double-stacked grahams oozing with slightly singed marshmallows and glossy chocolate.

“Thanks, Maddie.” The girl gave them a cheerful nod and moved among the others roasting marshmallows and goofing off around the fire. “Take my arm if you want, so you don’t trip,” Sean said softly, pleased when he felt Jordyn slip her hand over his forearm. If he hadn’t been holding the s’mores, he’d have been tempted to hold her hand. “So, what made you decide to come out?”

She shrugged, and Sean realized that maybe it had been an unfair question. He’d put her on the spot. Yet, he did want to know.

“I have to say that it was brave of you to come and hang out with this mob. Watch your step.”

They stepped onto the dock and walked past a fellow who was using a pen light to tie a fly on the end of a fishing line.

“Yeah, I was feeling kind of brave.” She thought about how she’d almost panicked when she was back there stuck in his driveway, but grinned.

He heard laughter in her voice. It sounded perfect out here with the rushing water and the crickets chirping and with the stars beginning to pop out in profusion above them.

Exercise:

• Go over your story and search for places you are slipping outside the head of each scene’s POV character. Watch for place where the opposing character thought something, or wondered, or knew, or reacted in a way that the real POV character couldn’t possibly know.
• Notice that in the head-hopping example above, it wasn’t much that caused the POV slip, just those couple of insertions that showed I was going into Jordyn’s POV instead of Sean’s. She tried relaxing, she felt as her heart raced, she thought about… Sean couldn’t read her mind and know those things.

Your POV character mustn’t read minds either.